The Jesuits

I can see a overhead view of the bar and grill that I am in. It is in Boston, and has dark, hard wood floors, scuffed and clean. I can see the mahogany bar presiding before a long table. At the table sits about 24 men in dark suits, sober and silent. I spiral down clockwise to my 1st person view and can see a large chalk board that has the daily specials on it. I see the bar in its entirety and it reminds my of a seafood restaurant at the Charleston Town Mall. The special is a rib-eye (rabbi) steak. I can see that the table and know instintively that it consists of Jesuit priests and a wing of Vatican accountants. I can see the expressions showing the stony and grizzled expressions of men who are told that they have cancer. I talk to the bartender, about the ancient chalkboard that this bar is famous for. It seems like the chalk board s older than anything I've ever seen. The conversation then turns to the table of catholic emissaries. I am told by the bartender that the men have a mission to find, the ultimate relic, in its extant form, the actual body of Christ . The acceptable forms of the remnants of the body of Christ is soil, ash, and honey. The actual and real body of CHRIST! It seems the ultimate silent admission, a denial of every tenant of belief. I note this, and fade into a different scene, in which I realize with a heavy feeling that a former relationship actually had a sideline in pornography. I never get to interact with the person, only seeing the images,against my will, repeatedly. When it is over, I a convinced of the truth of it, and begin to anguish.