The Big Heist
I am in a liquor store. There is a friend with me, but I don't know who he is. He seems to be a mixture of friends I have had, preternaturally given the features of a young Glen Campbell, the original Rhinestone Cowboy. We are robbing this liquor store and we both have agreed up to this point that it sounded like a pretty good idea. It's the usual, Colt .45 in the face, a couple Get on the ground! Now!!'s and we got the clerk putting money in a brown paper bag, no small bills and keep the change. Why the brown paper bag? I don't know, surely no one would think anything suspicious about a person walking sown a city street with a brown paper bag, would they?
We bust though the door that has the convenient height chart on the door frame and beat feet to our car. Our car is a 1972 mustard colored Torino. It is beautiful and we get in. The tires readily smoke as we make our get away down the main street of town, store fronts warping with speed. That's when we notice the cops.
It couldn't have been more plain and we were straight caught. Those cops were about to have a rabbit. Knowing the dark continent of the Cop Heart, they secretly wanted us to run so they could chase us. There is no reason for law enforcement to have car chases in this day of modern electronic technology, yet somehow we let them photograph our faces, and catalog us, video tape us, fingerprint us, take our DNA, take our property, remove our property rights, remove our right to privacy, tap our banking information, tap our phones, tap our television, tap our e-mail, monitor our book store and library usage, monitor our internet usage, when no crime at all has been committed, all for the sake of better pre-emptive law enforcement and we still have car chases. It doesn't make any sense.
We knew we were going to give up, but when you are looking at a long term sentence for armed robbery, why the hell not give 'em a chase. It's gonna make their day. Burning rubber, growling engines, small kisses of broken glass, and the warm security of tunnel vision as the high speed rush kicks in, we eventually made it out to the country, the trees on the side of the road blurred into a continuous wall. You can find anyone, anywhere, anytime. If you use the technology, and aren't just masterbating with it, and telling everyone that car chases are essential to public safety. Tell that to the thousands of law abiding by-standers each year that are injured or killed by car chases gone wild.
We pulled over.
Like that. We knew we were caught, but it was the thrill of the chase we wanted after the fact. When we pulled over, the shoulder of the road disappeared into a culvert, and the Torino went on it's side at a crazy angle. The cops helped us out of the car. Nice guys. They even put us back in the car after they handcuffed us and let us drive as they formed a police escort back to town and into the county jail.
We bust though the door that has the convenient height chart on the door frame and beat feet to our car. Our car is a 1972 mustard colored Torino. It is beautiful and we get in. The tires readily smoke as we make our get away down the main street of town, store fronts warping with speed. That's when we notice the cops.
It couldn't have been more plain and we were straight caught. Those cops were about to have a rabbit. Knowing the dark continent of the Cop Heart, they secretly wanted us to run so they could chase us. There is no reason for law enforcement to have car chases in this day of modern electronic technology, yet somehow we let them photograph our faces, and catalog us, video tape us, fingerprint us, take our DNA, take our property, remove our property rights, remove our right to privacy, tap our banking information, tap our phones, tap our television, tap our e-mail, monitor our book store and library usage, monitor our internet usage, when no crime at all has been committed, all for the sake of better pre-emptive law enforcement and we still have car chases. It doesn't make any sense.
We knew we were going to give up, but when you are looking at a long term sentence for armed robbery, why the hell not give 'em a chase. It's gonna make their day. Burning rubber, growling engines, small kisses of broken glass, and the warm security of tunnel vision as the high speed rush kicks in, we eventually made it out to the country, the trees on the side of the road blurred into a continuous wall. You can find anyone, anywhere, anytime. If you use the technology, and aren't just masterbating with it, and telling everyone that car chases are essential to public safety. Tell that to the thousands of law abiding by-standers each year that are injured or killed by car chases gone wild.
We pulled over.
Like that. We knew we were caught, but it was the thrill of the chase we wanted after the fact. When we pulled over, the shoulder of the road disappeared into a culvert, and the Torino went on it's side at a crazy angle. The cops helped us out of the car. Nice guys. They even put us back in the car after they handcuffed us and let us drive as they formed a police escort back to town and into the county jail.
posted by Ion Farmer at 6:57 AM
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